We want the best for our children. We want to be frank with them, but sometimes our frankness can harm them. We want to give them freedom, but forget to mark the boundaries. Experts working with children are sure: some mistakes can cause severe harm to the children’s soul and even security.
Everything that parents say and do, one way or another affects children. Specialists working with children and families answer the question: “Why do parents never do in relation to children?»And each of them looks at it differently.
«Be a child not a friend, but a parent»
Matthew Bates, teacher
I have more than 10 years of teaching. And based on my experience, I can say: the most harmful that parents do for children do not track their online activity. I saw parents who, having learned that their child is saying obscene things to classmates or simply falling asleep in the lessons, shrugged: “We knew that a laptop worked in his room all night … But what to do?»
My answer: be a child not a friend, but a parent. Take a laptop and phone. Turn off Wi-Fi at night. It’s not so difficult. My students in writings write about their virtual boyfriends, which they did not see in life. When parents find out about this, they are shocked, but they say that «they respect the private life of the child».
You will still adhere to this principle if you find that your child who is not yet 12 years old is twisting a virtual romance with a stranger?
If the parent leaves the pistol unattended and the child gets to him, people accuse their parents of holding a charged pistol in the house and did not observe security measures. The same logic should be applied to parents who do not even make elementary attempts to control the online posting of their child.
«Children should know that their parents love each other»
Esther Finzi, family consultant
Here are the four rules that should be considered in a conversation with a child of any age. Some information may affect its self -esteem, and the consequences are very difficult to fix without therapy.
1. Do not tell your child that you did not plan it. If the child finds out that they did not expect him, he did not want to, he can feel unloved, unwanted, rejected, worthless. And this knowledge will affect his whole life. It is likely that it will be difficult for him to communicate, make friends and even build close relationships with romantic partners.
Perhaps you have already told the child that he «turned out by accident». But it’s never too late to explain: “Yes, we did not plan children then, but when you were born, we love you with all our hearts. You have become for us the whole world «.
2. Do not tell children about financial problems.
If you and your partner have problems with money, I would not advise discussing them with a child without extreme necessity. Children cannot understand you and even more so cannot help. If children know about your financial troubles, they can feel like a burden. Therefore, I would advise discussing such issues exclusively behind closed doors.
3. Do not discuss relations with your children with your partner. I would not advise too frankly discuss your relationship with your child with a partner. Children should know that their parents love each other. After all, it is so nice to understand that you have a strong family, that you live in an atmosphere of support and acceptance. Nevertheless, intimate details for children are completely useless. The child is still not ripe to understand some «adult» things.
4. Never call a child. This can form a low self -esteem in him. If you want to criticize the child, evaluate his actions, and not the character or personality characteristics. Instead: “How can you be so crooked” say: “You shouldn’t have done this …”, “Your actions cause people pain”.